Dear Lola,
I am a recent resident of the US. I had heard for years about bulk shopping so I made it a priority to find the nearest Costco and see what the excitement was all about. I had a grocery list of items I thought would be worth buying in bulk and I proceeded into the store. Within moments I realized my list was virtually useless. I was hit by a wall of televisions, an Apple salesman, and a sea of clothing. Then, with a quick shake of my head to clear it, I found myself staring at a beautiful array of fine jewelry. Needless to say, I left with very little that I needed and a lot of things I did not know existed. What tips do you have for shopping at Costco without going completely insane? Oh, and should I buy the diamond bracelet I told my husband I desperately needed?
Sincerely,
Camila in Costco
Dear Camila in Costco,
Welcome to the United States, we’re so happy to have you here! I love that you wanted to tackle one of our favorite pastimes as soon as you arrived. Americans love shopping in bulk and eating the world’s cheapest hot dog and drink combo as they do so. The switch to serving Coke products has only bolstered my Mommybeast’s intense desire to browse for anything and nothing on a Saturday afternoon. Which is why I’ve got plenty of advice on how you too can conquer a Costco and live to see another day. And like all adventures, it begins from the moment you enter the parking lot.
Always park headfirst in the parking spot.
I don’t care if you are going for one item or ten, you will need to use your trunk. Sure, sure, you think you’re just heading in for a quick item on the way to a party — you’ll just hold the item on your lap while you spouse drives on. If only it were that simple. That vegetable tray? It’s huge. It feeds 400! The pie? The size of a roundtable meeting at the United Nations building. The shrimp cocktail platter? There is nothing shrimpy about it. Just wrap your mind around the fact that even one item is not one item and you will be loading up a trunkful before continuing on to your party.
Never stop on the way to someplace else.
Remember that party you were on your way to? It will be over by the time you arrive. You made the rookie mistake of dropping by the Costco for a bottle of party wine and got distracted by the inflatable pool floaties the size of Texas. By the time you hit the towel and sheet displays, you were full of free samples and in dire need of a nap. You will arrive at the previously mentioned party two hours late, only to realize that in the entire packed trunk you have not a single bottle of wine in your possession. Offer the party host a case of muffins and hope they offer you a bed to lie down in. After all, you still need to drive home and unload your massive shopping haul.
You will be eating at the food court, do not fight the urge.
Let’s face it, the smell of the hot dogs and pizza alone will drive you mad if you attempt to avoid to food court. Embrace the chaos and decide if you will be one of the ‘walk around’ eaters or the ‘after check out’ eaters. Both of these eaters have battle tested strategies you should follow.
‘Walk around’ eaters enter the store absolutely famished and well on their way to complete dehydration. They know they cannot survive the pre-sample gauntlet before reaching the grocery section near the back of the store, at least not without risking possible jail time from ramming ankles with their carts. These eaters get their food court fix and then amble through the aisles with a lackadaisical approach only those with the proper nourishment can afford. By the time they reach the free samples of food, their initial hunger is sated and they can taste the coriander and paprika in the individual offerings.
The ‘after check out’ eaters enter the store and tell their belly to grumble away because they won’t get anything until the sample section. You can identify these people because they charge through the crowd with purpose. They are separated from the first group of shoppers by their impressive self control. They want to ram ankles with their carts, but they are able to resist the urge to do so despite their hunger. These eaters cannot taste anything but victory with each bite of sample food they consume. All they care about is getting to the next station and hovering in front until the ding of the cooker states new treats are ready to be passed around.
Both groups buy the same amount of impulse food so strategy really comes down to how much jail time you are willing to risk.
As for the diamond bracelet, I cannot say whether or not the purchase is frivolous since I am not involved in your budget. However, I can say that when it comes to Costco purchases, you are getting a massive deal. Diamonds and deals go hand in hand in my mind so I say shop away!
Dazzle your spouse with the television and home theater displays if he needs added incentive.
♥Lola♥
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Shank You Very Much 